I Am Mumbai

It certainly is a fascinating city, ‘Amchi Mumbai’ as the locals call it. Its relentless pace, the never- ending race, umpteen possibilities, never-say-die attitude and indomitable spirit make it one of the if not THE most vibrant city in India. Gathering several satellite towns under its capacious wings, it channels a certain restlessness not felt anywhere else. And this is true for most if not all its denizens. Most people here are outdoing each other in trying to achieve something.

One feature which differentiates Mumbai from many of its other contemporaries is the sheer distance which people travel for work. Commuting two or three hours each way each day is par for the course and leaving home at the crack of dawn only to return exhausted long after the lamps have been lit is no big deal as everyone is doing it. With most households having both spouses working and trying to outdo each other (intentionally or unintentionally that remains to be seen) in the hours they keep, and given the familiar milieu of ‘Taaza Ghar ka Khaana, Teen baar Rozana’, someone has to step into the void left by the lady of the house, who in most cases is worked literally off her feet. As Dr. Seuss, the acclaimed children’s author put it so poetically in his popular book, ‘The Cat in the Hat’, “Somebody, somebody has to, you see” but unlike Sally and Me in the book, here most women say, “My Bai and ME!”.

India is unique in many ways, but perhaps one of the most unique features of all is the ease with which we Indians unblushingly delegate most given tasks to several other people. Given the humongous population, labor tends to be far cheaper than in most other countries and thus hiring household help is the norm rather than the exception. One of the largest unorganized sectors of Indian industry is the service industry which is teeming with help of all shapes, sizes, and capabilities performing most tasks from cooking and gardening to child-care and beyond. Even cinema, our popular form of entertainment is largely incomplete without an unfailingly kind ‘Ramu Kaka’ character, the revered help of the household hovering in the background, ready to ease the life of the protagonists in any which way possible.

Small wonder then that most of us hope for just such a character to materialize out of the wood-work and waltz into our lives smoothening out all the rough corners which abound at every twist and turn. Well, to burst everyone’s bubble, fiction is best relegated to the annals of films or the pages of a book. But, be of stout heart my friends, Mumbai is not totally without hope for in her name itself is enshrined that mainstay of so many households, enter the uncrowned queen who makes everyone dance to her tune (a drumroll here would be great!) “The BAI of Mumbai”.

You find her scurrying busily on her way, especially in the wee hours, a certain spring in her step, hair neatly combed and tied sensibly into a top-knot. Feet shod in sensible chappals, a capacious bag slung from one shoulder and one hand clutching the purchases which ‘Tai’ (as the lady of the house is referred to) had ordered the previous evening. A certain belligerence is often her hall-mark and woe betide any poor shmuck who even dreams of curbing her authority when it comes to almost all things domestic. She is the ‘Bai or Mavshi’ as household help is referred to in Mumbai.  

Her arrival is marked by the fanfare of the doorbell and few feelings fill the heart with as much pure, unadulterated joy as the arrival of the Bai on time, especially if she has sought two days of leave and has arrived promptly on the third day as planned instead of sending an application of extension via Whatsapp. It means a slightly more elaborate menu, a slightly cleaner house, well laundered clothes and heaving a sigh of relief for finally getting the boss off your back as you will meet a looming deadline successfully. A few Bais successfully morph into real helps or mainstays of sorts, who warn you which supplies are at a low ebb and need supplementation, the better varieties of brooms, mops scrubbers, dishwash soaps et al, having gleaned wisdom from practical experimentation in several houses in the same apartment building and wanting nothing but to pass on the knowledge out of the goodness of their hearts.

Most are possessed of quirks, some adorable, others which feed a feeling of frenzy and some right down dubious, which of course depends on whether the three Fate sisters were feeling benign or particular vicious when you were negotiating terms with your maid-to-be. Of course, trying to make maximum profit with a minimum amount of effort is a human trait not found only in this maximum city, but the world over and hence the wise turn a blind or benign eye on the smaller cutting-of -corners during the course of the Bai’s job, unless and until it results in a complete meltdown of the household chores.

An extra chore or two may be met with a sigh and a long- suffering air on occasion, but keep up the extra overs at your peril or expect an immediate demand for a raise! However, try cleaning out your closet or linen cupboard or the kitchen and the Bai is ever ready to lend a hand, having ear marked the stuff that she has had dibs on long before you unpacked it from its box. By- and-large, however they are an honest lot who would rather not purloin stuff but ask for it upfront, a trait which is endearing and annoying at the same time,

A simple way to get a management degree without actually studying for the hugely difficult entrance exams for management colleges is to successfully manage a small staff of three or four of these household helps, with a driver thrown in for good measure. I doff my hat to Nita Ambani here. A house with 27 floors? Window panes running into the thousands? And a six hundred and counting staff? And there was I, deluded into thinking I had it hard with my meagre staff of two, who happen to be related to each other! I think it is time someone introduced Mrs. Ambani as the Guru of all management Gurus. Methinks her capabilities would have made a much better plot for the film ‘Guru’(pun intended) rather than those of her redoubtable father-in-law.

A tendency to provide unnecessary intelligence (read gossip), down sugary tea by the liter during the course of the job, remind you constantly of the Diwali bonus, never mind if it is only December and a penchant for seeking several days off (directly proportionate to the number of offs the other maid seeks if you have two) can be the hallmark of this person whom you have now come to regard with the awe you reserve for a ‘Bhai’(don), not a Bai! But many -a -time, theirs can be the only sympathetic ear and enthusiastic voice many a harassed homemaker or even a professional can hear over the course of a long, busy day. And trust me, since I have been there and done that, these exotic sub-types of the homo-sapiens must be related to the feline species, for often it is not just a case of you choosing the Bai, but the unmistakable feeling of the Bai choosing you! The Bai network would give the STASI of old serious run for its money with the information about all households and their quirks which circulates on its grape-vine!

The importance of these maids-in-Mumbai was brought home like never before during the lockdown of the past year when most of us had to do without help. It was a time for EVERYONE to cry HELP when they realized the grit required to run a home all by themselves, especially with all members stuck at home and food flying out of the kitchen like it was going out of style tomorrow. Yes, this largely unacknowledged work-force has a major hand in the success of all professionals, irrespective of gender. We all know it, but dare we say it? The answer is clear as crystal, a resounding yes.

Jokes, puns, quirks and foibles apart, you have to admire the sheer resilience of these individuals and salute their never-say-die attitude. Even their belligerence stems from the fact that they have to weather the knocks which life hands out to them on a regular basis. It can be the uncertain tenancy in a slum, a drunkard husband, wayward kids or the queue for clean water at the common municipal tap. But, by and large, they are a tough and driven lot who try bettering their lives without getting on the wrong side of the law. Being an unregulated sector in the service industry also has its pitfalls in the lack of standardized wages, hours of work, paid holidays and job security, made even worse thanks to the pandemic.

All said and done, we owe these domestic tyrants for making our lives more comfortable, especially when there is a large family to cater to. Reliable staff is a boon granted to a lucky few, whether it is a large corporate house or a small household. Perhaps all that is needed is to be a little understanding of their hopes and aspirations (within reason of course!) so that many a wrinkle in daily life is seamlessly smoothened out.

Hence, let us part with the sight of the Bai beetling along on her way to work, where she has the last word in the popular ditty,

“Tension nahi lene ka. B(h)ai se poochne ka. Kasa kay, bara hay, I am MUM(BAI)!”