Category: Lifestyle Article

“You don’t become what you want. You become what you believe”

I have visited New Delhi only a couple of times and even then, only in transit. If my cousin is to be believed, visiting the inside of an airport does NOT count as visiting the city, which makes me rue living in this country for more than four decades but never visiting the national capital. There are several attractions with which it tries to lure me…from being the erstwhile capital of the Pandavas, to the food, the art and culture and of course the shopping. While in the final throes of MBBS, I was obsessed by the thought of AIIMS, the holy grail of all medical seekers, of which I was swiftly cured by my performance in the required entrance examination. But then I digress.

My real dream of visiting Delhi has always been to see Raj and Raisina. You may be forgiven for thinking that I have never watched the Kajol-Shahrukh Khan romance DDLJ which was a cult hit during my time and mixed up Simran with Raisina. I can assure you that I know my actors and characters well. The Raisina I talk of is Raisina Hill, housing the Rashtrapati Bhavan, the Secretariat with the PMO and several other important ministries and thus the beating heart of the republic and Rajpath, the ceremonial boulevard leading up to it incorporating a Vijay in the merry mix in the form of Vijay Chowk.

Though the slow-mo clip of Raj and Simran running towards each other with the mustard fields of the Punjab in full bloom forming an enticing back-drop are the highlight of the popular film, in my book it is not a patch on the sight which has stirred the blood of millions of Indians: the full might of the Indian Armed Forces making their majestic way down Rajpath on Republic Day. Not to be outdone by anything which popular entertainment has to offer, the floats and performers which follow are sure to take your breath away. One may be lulled into the belief that the pomp and the pageantry are nothing but vestiges of a colonial past, but in the eyes of the common citizen like me, they are more. They are milestones on the long road to progress. A yearly stock-taking of how far we have come and how much further we have to go.

Irrespective of the seating arrangements, the chief guest (normally the leader of another nation) and the petty politics of the day, the parade down Raj to Raisina is a symbol of all the things that make me proud to be an Indian. It is a tribute to that unknown martyr who made sure that I go about my day unhindered. Above all, it is a common thread which unites me with my countrymen. Whether it is the lilt of ‘Kadam Kadam Badhaye Jaa’ or the familiar tune of ‘Sare Jahan se Accha’, it never fails to move me and many others of my generation. For this was the universal ‘mother of all shows’ which we grew up watching.

And this show of strength on becoming a republic carries great significance. It means the final casting away of the shackles of the British Raj, of choosing to govern ourselves the way WE want to be governed. It symbolizes the flight of confidence that we are India, a separate entity, a power in our own right. And hence the grandeur of the yearly spectacle, a reminder of who we are and who we are meant to be.
Things may have changed now. I hardly ever have the time to sit glued to the television for two hours straight as I used to do back in school and I hardly ever see the offspring (who is still in school) doing so either. It is perhaps a characteristic of this instant generation who would rather watch the parade in short reels on Instagram instead of going the whole hog. I like to think that they are stirred too. That just for some time, the individuality which is the hallmark of modern living takes a backseat for commonality as a country. That all of us respect the idea of a nation, personal, political, social and economic preferences notwithstanding.
Many things have changed over the years. Politics has become murkier than ever, more divisive as some like to say. In fact, if it were up to some, they would have us believe that everything our constitution stands for is in danger, that being a nationalist who puts the nation ahead of personal liberty is an epithet to be ashamed of. Wanting cohesion under a common banner and a common law and wanting to BE a common citizen is the depths of depravity in a society which is gradually fragmenting away into individualism, which wants to respect the individual choice, guaranteed under the rights granted to the Indian citizen, as we are constantly reminded.

How many of us have truly considered the reverse of this coin? That if we have rights, they are guaranteed on the presumption that we will carry out the duties attached? Call me old-fashioned in a world obsessed with jettisoning collective constraint in favor of individual liberty, but I would rather be happy in the belief that the nation is an example of a whole being larger than the sum of its individual parts. And thus, hitches and glitches apart, the need of the day remains cohesion. It is something which should be ingrained in us, rather than having to be enforced, for the progress of the collective also means that of the individual.

And thus, the symbols. Whether the fluttering flag or the marching contingents, the cavalcade, the salutes and the speeches. And almost a week of celebration drawing to a close with beating the retreat. To arouse a ‘we’ rather than ‘me’ feeling, to ‘wake’ us up rather make us ‘woke’. While individual liberty and equality definitely have their role in the betterment of society, it is time to realize that ‘First among Equals’ should remain the title of a popular novel and NOT become a populist theory. All should have an equal claim on resources, there IS no ‘first claim on resources’ for that will undermine the whole concept of equality. A long hard look at the ORIGINAL preamble of our constitution is very much needed, to remind us of the hopes and dreams of the founders of our nation.

Raj and Simran, in the film had their share of woes in the form of the larger -than-life, terror inspiring, controllaman, ‘Bauji’. For Raj and Raisina, the boogey men are many. They wield brooms and sickles, brandish saplings and lotuses, ride on elephants and bicycles, set off alarm clocks and shake hands(needlessly) and team up with bows and arrows and kites. Raj and Simran having achieved cult status Bauji notwithstanding, it is left to us, the citizens, to award the same to Raj and Raisina by making their inhabitants accountable, so that Netaji from his vantage point, from where Raj’s journey begins can see his dream gradually coming true….

When I think of the ways in which we wish each other, the word which always stands out is ‘Happy’. ‘Happy Birthday’, ‘Happy New Year’, ‘Happy Diwali’, so on and so forth. And thus, most of our lives are spent in the pursuit of happiness. It is that alluring mirage which lurks tantalizingly around the next corner, beckoning with its siren call to come and capture it and then life will be ‘set’.
We choose to answer its call unheedingly most of the times and when we do have the wraith in our hands, more often than not we find that it is not what we wanted after all. We link happiness to umpteen things… an education, a job, a house, a car, a fat bank-balance, a perfect relationship, an ideal family. However, there exist people in the world who find something missing after achieving all this and yet others who float through life on a cloud of happiness despite having nothing. This then begs the question whether the pursuit of happiness was along the correct path to begin with.

And thus, we find our roundabout way to another feeling which resides within us all along, but which we fail to recognize… the feeling of contentment. Cultures the world over, irrespective of their history or geography, ancient or modern have placed this feeling above all others. In fact, a study conducted by Yale has revealed that even those cultures who have long subsisted in isolation, far removed from the trappings of modern civilization still placed a feeling of contentment as the crown of all other emotions.

We can all clearly recall certain days when we have been perfectly contented with life, with small trifles like watching the rain through the mist rising from a hot cup of coffee, enjoying a familiar piece of music or a good read, even though we might have heard or read it quite a few times before. The same can be said about food, the contentment coming from eating a perfectly simple and wholesome home-cooked meal that we have eaten a thousand times cannot be matched by the offerings of a Corden Bleau chef from a Michelin starred restaurant. That feeling of ‘God is in His heaven and all is right with the world’ is nothing but the feeling of contentment! A feeling not unlike the broad sweep of a placid river or the still surface of a tranquil lake.

The root of the word contentment comes from the Latin ‘contentus’, which means ‘held together’ or ‘intact/whole’. Although originally used to literally describe containers like cups and buckets and barrels, the word later evolved to mean something that describes a person who feels complete. It describes a person who is whole, without any external input, complete within and by himself.

For us Indians, this concept is not novel at all. It in fact forms the corner-stone of our philosophy, that we are all complete beings, microcosms of the Creator. But, more often than not, we tend to lose sight of contentment because of its closely related kin, the feeling of happiness. And thus, sets in the contentment conundrum.

No-one can deny the role happiness plays in our lives. It is essential to our sense of well- being contributing not only to our mental but also out physical health. It plays a vital role in our sense of identity and helps us set long term as well as short term goals for personal achievement so that we grow as individuals. But happiness requires an external input. It is a product of successful interaction with the world at large, a product of reaping the rewards of hard-work, gaining appreciation from our fellows, and of course of earning material means. It is something which we get from the world and something which is based on tangible things.

While there is nothing wrong in the pursuit of happiness, one has to keep eyes open to the fact that it can quickly become a never- ending race of wanting ‘something more’, which may not always be feasible. With each achievement, there remains that much less which can bring a pure, unadulterated sense of well-being. Besides, today’s world is a world of instant options. Never before have we been so spoilt for choice that we can change our entire life much in the style of snakes shedding outgrown skin. Options abound everywhere. Not happy with the way you look? Go for the nose, lip, cheek and chin package! Wardrobe gone stale? Trash it for new styles! Not contented in your marriage? Find a new partner and set up a parallel life on Whatsapp!

Herein lies the danger of an onset of frustration, hopelessness and sadness if the goals which we set for ourselves are not met with. At the same time, with the airbrushed lives which we show the world that we live, routinely doing the rounds on social media, it is easy to fall into the trap of envy and hatred. This is where the answering call of the popular slogan ‘yeh dil maange more!’ should be ‘Na Na’ instead of ‘Aha’! With our hearts and minds conditioned to such pipe dreams as “Life lambi nahi, Badi honi chahiye, Babumoshai!”, we are too busy in the search of that which will make our lives bigger. Ridden as we are with the bigger is better disease explains why most business operations make a killing with ‘Mega’ ‘Jumbo’ or ‘Giant’ sales or most drinks, whether soft or hard come as ‘Large’ or ‘Grande’. We are too busy looking outside for that which can be found inside, because more often than not, we are what we HAVE instead of being what we ARE.

And thus, contentment. That kernel of satisfaction which resides within all of us. Staying happy in the moment, irrespective of what you have, don’t have or will or will not have. The state which sees each moment as complete in itself, the fruit of the past and the seed of the future. The emotion which does not require much to sustain itself, after an initial careful cultivation. For which, nor is less, less, neither is more, more. A feeling of such equanimity that it not only envelopes the person feeling it, but also people interacting with him in its warmth and comfort. A feeling if sufficiently nurtured can truly make a person blissful.

The feeling of contentment can be best observed in children, who more often than not seek to play with the packaging of a toy even before unwrapping it, rather that the toy itself, for they are content with playing, not what they are playing with. The reason why they are overjoyed with the tiniest of things, be it a gamboling puppy, running through puddles or catching a sight of the moon through the clouds. It is because they seek and find joy in ALL situations unaddicted as they are to the bigger and the better, looking at the world through eyes which are not yet blinded by the stark glow of the big and best. Thus, any person who exudes contentment draws others to him like moths to a flame, for in him we see a reflection of the Creator and thus of ourselves.

As the world increases its pace to run its ‘bigger, better, brasher’ race, it is time to look for contentment, to choose how much is to be obtained from the world and how much from our own selves. Giving happiness a place in our lives is a duty, but finding contentment in what already exists is the very purpose of human life. In the words of the wise, ‘Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have’. For when you choose wisely, you no longer need to realize, you become the realized.
This solves the contentment conundrum to some extent, for,

Your soul is complete in itself,
Seek all you need therein
Peer not into the darkness without for the light
For it illuminates you from within….

And thus, my wishes to you for the New Year differ a little. I wish you contentment lasting not just in the New Year, but for all time to come.