Appreciation : An Unappreciated Art?

Recently, I met an old friend who looked a little pensive. After much pressing on my part, she revealed that she had recently been awarded an advanced diploma in creative writing from the Symbiosis University in Pune, with an A+ grading, no less! Not a mean feat if you consider the fact that she was working part-time while being a full-time mother to a three-year old toddler, with no familial support to speak of and domestic help rather thin on the ground. Upon informing her spouse about her new qualification however, she was greeted with a lukewarm response, which put a comprehensive damper on her justified high spirits, leaving her with the baggage of self- doubt and resentment. “All I wanted was someone to appreciate my achievement. I was not looking for a pull-out-all-the -stops kind of party, a few genuine words of appreciation would have sufficed”, she said sadly.
Her story got me thinking. When centuries of study by several scholars have proved that appreciating and being appreciated is a basic human need, right up there with food, clothing and shelter, why do we begrudge it to our fellows, be they colleagues, friends or family? What is it in human nature that makes us not only far quicker to criticize, but to find an unholy glee in it? Do we still carry the atavistic mentality of our hunter-gatherer selves where only the best could win the battle for survival and one hence had to ride rough-shod over all else? And hence, how far have we truly evolved if we cannot appreciate our fellow beings?

WANT AND NEED

Several studies on human behavior have now proved beyond doubt that not just people, but society as a whole, functions much better when individual effort is appreciated. So much so that the art of appreciation now forms an important corner-stone of corporate culture, and is considered to be an important soft-skill. Good leaders may know how to hound a team and get a job done, but great leaders know how to make each member of the team feel appreciated so that everyone revels in the team`s success which instills in them the will to go one better the next time.
It is a common experience across cultures that anyone who is appreciated is calmer, more self-assured and positive towards life than one who is not. Merely saying a simple ‘Thank You’ can make one feel happier. Scientifically, it has been proved that that giving and receiving appreciation results in the release of dopamine and serotonin, the ‘feel good’ chemicals of the brain, leading to the much touted ‘positivity’ which exudes from some people. Not only does appreciation have a positive effect on mental health, it succeeds in boosting the immune system too, resulting in less illness in general and infections in particular.
A person develops a sense of security on being appreciated and is better adapted to stepping out of his or her comfort zone and trying new things, thus broadening horizons. It instills a sense of confidence in people and when it becomes the habit of society as a whole, results in overall progress. Putting it simply, the world becomes a better and a happier place.

WHY NOT ?

In a world which has grown more fast-paced, competitive and perhaps more insular, everyone is in the race to get ahead and be the alpha who leads. This has led to a catch 22 situation where everyone needs to BE appreciated while REFUSING to appreciate another. Criticizing seems so much easier, the momentary popping of someone’s bubble of pleasure lending a misplaced sense of power to the perpetrator.
Adding to this is of course is what can only be described in this case as the curse of social media, where one can safely draw blood through criticism, while safely remaining cloaked in anonymity, lending a whole new meaning to the term ‘cloak-and -dagger game’. For every positive tweet or comment or like, you find an innumerable number of trolls, sprouting like weeds after the monsoons. It will serve us well to remember the truth of the sayeth “blowing out another’s candle will not make yours glow any brighter.
A word of caution to the wise however, it is important to be able to know the difference between true appreciation and sycophancy, so rife in today’s world. Perhaps it is because that the feeling of being truly appreciated irrespective of achievements or status is rather thin on the ground that one easily falls a victim to flattery. It has become a way of life of sorts that every whim and fancy of anyone in a position of power be catered to or beware the consequences, leading to peans where none are necessary.

PARTING SHOT

Life is a rich tapestry of experiences and if undershot with the golden thread of appreciation takes on a richness of hue all its own. Gratitude and appreciation are perhaps the only traits which have been proven to benefit both the giver and the receiver. From the smallest child to the oldest adult, we humans are in constant search for the validation of our existence and being appreciated fills this deep void and gives a new meaning to life. The gesture need not be grandiose, a small “thank you” or “I appreciate what you do” will suffice.
So, remember to find time to water the plants of all your relationships with a trickle of appreciation and watch them bloom like never before.
In the wise words of Voltaire, “Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well” And thus, practicing what I have preached, I would like to thank you, my readers for taking the time out to read this. I truly appreciate it!